Breaking into the Chamber of Secrets — Building awareness
Season 1, Episode 1
Key Take-aways:
The first step to “Feeling Alive” (a state of pure bliss & joy) is to have an honest open dialogue with yourself in a room filled with kindness & compassion which will make you aware of yourself.
If this interests you, read on:
It all retriggered after listening to a random early morning weekend podcast, where the learned man said in a husky voice with a long pause “When was the last time you felt ALIVE”. The pause was so long, that I checked twice to see if my headphones conked again. Suddenly the silence was broken and he went on to define feeling alive, as a state where every single cell in your body is jumping with Joy and Happiness (a state of pure bliss). I could sense the atmosphere becoming serious with some meaningful nods and a sense of awakening from the people listening in. I moved the video back and forth to see if I missed hearing the how of it, but alas no.
I brushed the thought aside, sprang up from my bed, and moved on to do some weekend chores, the usual suspect of following up with various customer care executives on orders & refunds, tracking down the full/partial lockdown schedule, stocking (hoarding?) up groceries, sanitizing my hands just in case, liking random posts and finally feeling entitled for earning the weekend.
By afternoon, the thought crossed my mind again “What can make me feel Alive” (the husky voice was playing like music in my head, there was definitely something about the voice) and I had absolutely no clear answer.
So I looked to my parents for answers, but they looked back at me deeply worried if everything was alright. My sister called me the next day for casual catchup which sealed the deal. My friends simply said I had too much time in hand (maybe they were true) and suggested I try mandala art (I hated geometry even as a kid). Some allowed me to babysit their kids for a day or two to get some reality strike on what being a responsible adult truly means.
Here and there, the message I could get was clear– Don’t overthink and stay engaged with life.
So I went on the self-exploratory mode and asked myself the usual textbook questions to find purpose which could, in turn, help me in feeling alive with joy & happiness:
- If this were the last day of my life, how would I imagine life to be?
- How do I want people to remember me in my grave/funeral?
- If there were absolutely no social, emotional, financial, or physical dependencies, how would I imagine life to be?
I could now feel the uncomfortable silence getting stronger and some serious emotional turbulence being triggered by my brain. I had some totally unrelated flashes from the past, with a rainbow of emotions showing up — from Happiness to Sadness to Despair. Clearly, my brain pretended to be overloaded and was coaxing me to pick up some chocolates.
But I was determined not to fall prey and continued to write down THE ANSWERS. I started scribbling some random words, hoping this would turn out to be like a Mentimeter word cloud exercise, but instead I was staring at some absolutely unrelated text in messy handwriting.
I told myself not to give up and continued. It was half-past midnight; the silence of the night added to the much-needed backdrop to ponder over this deep question — What can make me feel Alive?
I could now hear my neighbor’s cat proudly returning from its nightly hunt, giving itself a nice stretch and yawn before settling into a cozy nap, giving me a guilty reminder of cat pose and the many months of Yoga I had paused.
So, what can make me feel alive? My thoughts went back to the cat and 3 months back in time. I recollected how it was a weak frightened baby kitten barely able to walk. And now I could see the tiny furball “Come Alive” with its green eyes shimmering in the dark as it expressed its natural self hunting down the little rodents. It felt like a tiger chasing down a deer, its weak meow sounding like a roar.
PS: Photos are taken from the internet, no copyright breach intended
With some more probing questions on why I couldn't be like the cat and express my natural self every single time, I finally wrote the words “Fear of opening up to myself”. This affirmed that the first step to finding purpose and being Alive is really to sit with oneself in a hallway of mirrors and make that eye contact. The mirrors are going to stare back at you in different shapes and sizes. Imagine you have boarded Kingda Ka or El Toro at six flags, so buckle on and sit tight, there is no point of return from midair (I would never try those rides again! NEVER)
Once you are comfortable seeing yourself in the mirror, start the internal dialogue and make it loud & calm, so you can hear what you speak. Keep writing it down in your secret diary. Distractions are given and be patient with them. Remember you won’t be judged in this space, there are no right or wrong rules in this space, there is just YOU, someone who is so unique in a world with 7.9 billion people.
Just I was going through this exercise I heard a soft voice say, no it wasn’t me who ate the milk chocolate. A long silence with slight awe followed, but I was kind to myself and wrote I LOVE CHOCOLATES!
I could now see the word cloud coming alive. It occurred to me that while the heart has 4 chambers to pump blood, the corridor of secrets seemed to be a really long & dark one. But if Harry can kill the Basilisk, so can we! Just like how Fawkes and the gleaming silver sword came out of the magical sorting hat, seconds before Harry could get crushed, I hope to find some calling to solve the maze!
For now, as I practice this baby step and find the second Chamber of Secrets, back to the reality of facing Monday morning with lots of gratitude and some tiny bits of unstoppable blues.
Link to other episodes:
Disclaimer:
Views expressed here are personal and the content provided here is for informational and educational purposes only and should not be construed as professional help. This is my humble attempt at sharing what I read and I am a novice in this journey.